Resisting Bad Bosses

I have had my share of bad bosses and I may have one or two in the future, but life is too short to endure the agony of someone who should not have risen to the level of sufficient authority to make life miserable for others. I guess that question is like "How did Hitler get to power?". No matter where I have gone, people with their own head problems have become the master of someone else's professional or occupational fate and made life miserable for them. Why do corporations /companies raise up tormentors rather than mentors?

I think it is the duty of every good employee to resist these sick puppies and hold them to accountability, as best as they can, given the vulnerable position they find themselves in.
Easier said than done...

Volcanic Personal Relations-Watch Your Step

I am constantly amazed at the mulitiplicity of views that people have of even the most unassuming human situation. One thinks that an issue is so obviously benign, but it turns out that there is some boiling caldron of politics or resentment brewing under the surface. There are hidden agendas, bruised egos, seething ambitions, and bewildering behaviour ready to overtake the situation.

It reminds me...

I was watching a special on the National Geographic channel about volcanoes and their volatility. Mount St Helens had been inactive for hundreds of years and seemingly it was an island of tranquility, but beneath the surface there was a bulge of molten lava pressuring through to erupt. There was a part of the show when the researchers had to be careful where they stepped or they would have fallen through the thin veneer of sold lava to the very hot liquid magma beneath. They gingerly tested every step of the way.

So say we all to the wisdom of treading carefully in all matters dealing with the human volcano.

The Job Transition

It has been 3 weeks since I started at Ball Aerospace. Ball is a nice place to work and I feel at home...a bit clumsy perhaps, but it is comfortable. I've had to reset my heart rate from high to medium. There is a deliberateness about this place that was not at Qwest, which runs a hundred miles an hour. Ball seems to run on its own rate.

My boss is very nice guy also and has gone out of his way to assist me in the transition. We spent the last couple of days meeting people at various Ball sites to meet and greet me. I am a bit humbled that these people take the time to meet with me and find out what I'm about. Interestly enough, I have encountered some people from my old days in Boulder at Ball. It was very good to see them and nice to be remembered by them.

It's only 3 weeks, but so far so good. I hope I can say that after 20 years.

Java Dung Coffee

Well, it had to come to this...Java Dung coffee. While there is no one more than who loves coffee, I have to say that this is the epitome of decadence. An article in a recent Denver Post article speaks to a coffee delicacy known as kopi luwak. This little delicacy is derived from feeding a civet (like a skunk) coffee beans and collecting the greenish-brown partially digested beans from the dung of this little beastie and grounding it up at $600/lb. They say that there is nothing it and I can believe that. Good to the last drop. Man, I like coffee, but this is ridulous. What's next Starbucks kopi luwak?

We have taken the coffee thing a little too far. I'm putting my foot down on this one.

Between Jobs

Well, I am out of Qwest and waiting to go Ball Aerospace. I have a lot of butterflys about the whole transition, but I know that we are always waiting for something.

I remember seeing a World War II movie when I was young that featured a scene with two men in a fox hole waiting for the next wave of Japanese to overrun their position. Woefully outnumbered.

In the quiet between the waves of soldiers, there was silence and a temporary peace that allowed the men to reflect. The first man to speak remarked that his whole life consisted of waiting. Waiting to grow up, waiting for his first kiss, waiting to get married, waiting for his first son to be born...waiting to go to war and now waiting for... he could not tell what his outcome would be, but he could be waiting for his death. What happened to the men, I don't remember, just the existential moment of that reflection.

Why that particular scene of a movie stuck in my head, I will never know, but it has provided some kind of perspective to me to know that we are all going through stages of existence and we are waiting for the next stage to begin and waiting for immortality to begin.

Basketball Glory

I was playing basketball at the 20th Street Gym yesterday and I have to say that I was doing very well playing with some guys that are half my age. I thought "Not bad for a guy at my stage of life". I made great shots and gave some of them, lessons in moving to the basket.

I was just feeling pretty good about myself, when one of the young guys that I have played a few times told me, "You must been really good in your day". My day? I thought this was my day. Today was my day I thought. The old age thing again.

While it was really meant to be a compliment and well intentioned, it reminded of Patton and his story of the Roman Generals, who would return from a victorious battle and riding their chariot into an adoring crowd with a servant whispering into the ear of the General, "Glory is Fleeting". A reminder to appreciate it now, because it will disappear like a wisp of smoke.

Yes, my days on the court are fleeting and make me appreciate even more the fact I can still "run and gun". At least a little longer.

Woody's Movie

Last night I saw "Match Point" written and directed by Woody Allen, who I enjoy in the comedic sense, but whose nihilistic outlook, at least portrayed in this movie, I did not agree with. The movie is an excellent cinematic creation, but it's too bad that he takes the position that all is random and there is only luck and justice is not an immutable inevitability. The box that is drawn around this premise is a bit short sighted since it never shows what ultimately happens to Chris Wilton, a tennis player who marries into a rich aristocratic family, who has an affair and kills his lover, who is pregnant. Wilton conceives and achieves evil and avoids arrest through a "lucky" break of evidence presenting itself to divert the police from his guilt. Allen contends there is no poetic justice and perhaps the only thing that punishes Wilton is his own guilt. Then again, he states that guilt can be swept under the rug and you can simply push on.

It is an interesting aside picked up by Ben, my son, observed in connection with the murder of Wilton's lover. She is pregnant and Wilton insists that she get an abortion, which she is rife to do. So Wilton decides to kill her since it inconveniences his newly obtained life style. It is an interesting observation that her refusal of abortion became murder of both herself and the baby, perhaps as an extension of one another based on the same rationale.

All in all, a brilliant movie, however I felt it about its misguided theme concerning the ultimate questions of life.

Depression & Cognitive Functioning

Interesting article today in the WSJ about role of depression as a risk factor effecting the memory, problem solving and mental acuity, perhaps even shrinking parts of the brain related to these attributes after the age of 65. The article, titled, "How Depression Weakens the Brain" describes the current literature with regard to cognitive deficits and bouts of depression. The study cited was a comparison of healthy versus depressed (60 years or older) subjects and the configuration of cognitive dysfunctions in both. The depressed subjects showed a significant amount of these deficits.

There was also a description of anatomical studies showing patients with chronic depression have a smaller hippocampus than healthy patients. The hippocampus is thought to be responsible for memory. Treatment of the depression reduces the risk. There are studies that relate this to Alzheimer's.

So...what are we to conclude...a positive attitude promotes a healthy brain, memory retention and good mental function perhaps into old age.

This all points out one lesson to me. I need to watch more Marx Brother's movies.

"John From Cincinnati"

A quick note on a very interesting HBO show, David Milch's "John From Cincinnati" and my early take on the show (Not that anybody cares what my opinion is).

This is a very different show from Milch's "Deadwood", but seems to continue the creator's flirt in the spiritual development of characters bereft and bankrupt of moral virtue (with a bit of humor sprinkled in). Deadwood seems to represent this kind of search and Milch's new show uses the likes of "John Monad" (Monad? A God Reference?) who comes out of nowhere, utters prophetic statements, and has a mysterious effect on the dysfunctional Yost family to accomplish this end. You can see that John is some kind of providential intrusion into the lives of a family that hurt at the core and whose members have not fulfilled their ultimate potential and purpose. They are divinely being set back on course.

We don't know what John is yet, but we know that when you slap his face, you invite an earthquake.

Yes, it is enough to make grown agnostic cry.

Even though the critics have somewhat panned it, as for me I will continue to watch this very interesting Milch creation to see what kind of redemption will play out in the Yost's.

iPhone Longing

I just read a review of the Wall Street Journal on the iPhone and I have to say that it makes a plain old cell phone, a plain old cell phone by comparison.

This is going to be big (maybe some glitches), and it will revolutionize the industry.

The only issue will be is whether the AT&T network will be able to work well enough (if your not on a wi-fi) to make it a good experience. If the pipe is rusty and slow or not available, it will be unbearable to iPhone users. Unfortunately, it will only work with Grandma Bell AT&T.

I would buy now if I could, but I work for an AT&T competitor (Qwest). I also don't know if I can afford the service plan.

Oh well, some day.

Debt-A Faustian Pact

There is something wrong with American life when it is so easy to get into debt way beyond your ability. It is getting to the point where I see the lending industry as predatory. Banks used to encourage saving, but when they can post more revenue from lending, the whole financial landscape has changed. And the credit card industry should be ashamed of the amount of interest that they charge their customers. The number of people in Chapter 11 and Chapter 7 now, far exceeds the number during the Great Depression.

I must get 10 offers per week from lending institutions and credit card companies. They offer large amounts too. I feel like Faust being tempted by the devil. The offer is instant gratification and the payoff is a bitch.

My father told me a long time ago to avoid borrowing and that it leads to financial slavery. How true and how wise he was when utter those words.

State of Mind / State of Body /State of Health

Empirically, I have to conclude that there has to be a connection between the body and the mind and that predisposition to good health starts there. What one thinks and ponders about their condition seemly points the way to either more or less health problems. I wonder sometimes if we get locked or lock ourselves into a box from a health perspective by what we think about our situation, ourselves and what we think we can overcome. It must rev up or rev down our bodies.
That is not to say that there are not circumstances that are beyond our control, but I think its our response to them, is what predisposes to health or causes us to spiral downwards towards the disposition of new symptoms and new health conundrums.

Life from the Basketball Court

Even though I'm gaining in years, I have been able to play (effectively I might add) basketball at the 20th Street Gym in Denver. The pickup games have been great over the last six months since I started to play again. The last time I really played was about 9 years ago in Boulder at the YMCA. I played for 10 years there. Since then, I have been a runner, which is still good, but does not have the dimension of testing my abilities that I used to thrive on.

The 20th Street Gym pickup games have given me an opportunity to play again. I am playing with the whole spectrum of players, the tall, the small, the young and even some people older than myself (hard to imagine). I have to say that I am somewhat gratified to run with this wild bunch M-F and to still feel the thrill of making a jump shot from the 3 point line or a layup in the paint. I found out I still got the stuff and I will continue to play and shoot hoops as long as I can.

I have to say that when I first stepped onto the court after so long, I was not very confident that I could shoot and I felt stifled, but then the thought occurred to me that if you don't shoot, you don't score and you suffer, as well as the whole team. It's because you don't try. So the lesson of life from the basketball court...shoot. It's worth the risk of the shot and looking bad, even if you think that you won't make it.

Letting Go

I wrestled the night and lost.

It just seemed like I could not settle my mind down after taking Bobby to the airport yesterday and thinking about all evening. Even after I did sleep, I woke up early thinking about him on the streets of London and I wondered how he was.

I remember being that way when Buzz left and then when Ben left. Buzz to San Francisco and Ben to New York. Now Bobby has gone to London. It's hard to not be able to be there to help, even if he does not need it.

After my third cup of coffee today, I vowed I would not worry about him and let providence indeed take over on this, his adventure.

Letting it go.

A Philosophy of Change

There seems to be so many changes that impacted me over the last few years and will for the years to come. Things like changing positions at work, taking more responsibility for the work at home, wrestling the finances, isolation at the office, and other issues. A large change has been in Katie's health, who has suffered for over 6 years in pain, which I believe that she is just now seeing a glimmer of hope.

Some good things too. Some recognition, some new friends, some new job possibilities and some new challenges.

I'v seen some bad things happen in my life, but I have seen so many good things that overtake the bad, that I can't help think that "all things worked together for good". There is no denying that bad things happen and change your life, but I've learned to wait just a little longer to see the good that comes out of it.

Sounds simple and it isn't, but its worth the wait.

Father's Day

I wanted to post a short note on Father's Day since it was a good day.

We invited Katie's Dad, Fred Riesenman to dinner yesterday and I cooked lemon chicken with potatoes, an excellent salad, and other good stuff, including strawberry shortcake.

After dinner, I received a nice card and some presents from the Buzz, Ben, Bobby and Katie.
Got two hats (to cover my bald pate) and a pen scanner.

A very blessed day even though it was hot (95 degrees).

Bobby Going to England

My youngest son Bobby, who just recently graduated from high school will be going to England this week to collaborate on some projects with Last FM. He will be there on business and setting up some temporary living arrangement and then coming home in about 3 to 6 months.

I have to tell you it makes me proud and nervous at the same time.

On the one hand, I think its a gutsy move towards his own independence and while on the other, I am anxious about him being so far away. Even though I am sure it will all work out, I can't help being concerned as a father, but I have made the step of letting him go.

It's like him going to the moon. This one small step for him, one giant one for me.
(Sorry Neil).

Strange Thought About Time

Forgive me for the intrusion of some theoretical thought, which I have no business thinking or writing about,but it's about time.

It strikes me that there must be two sets of times. One is lower...past, present, future and the other is higher, which is always "now". Why? I don't know. It is just one of those thoughts that come to you out of the blue.

What would that mean? As I write this, I will always be writing this in higher time, but from the lower time perspective, it going to be written, was written and is being written.

Time to think about something else.

Gordon Allport, Preface Comments to "Man's Search for Meaning"

"...these moments of comfort do not establish the will to live unless they help the prisoner make larger sense out of his apparently senseless suffering. It is here that we encounter the central theme of existentialism: to live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering. If there is a purpose in life at all, there must be a purpose in suffering and in dying. But no man can tell another what this purpose is. Each must find out for himself, and must accept the responsibility that his answer prescribes. If he succeeds he will continue to grow in spite of all indignities."

Excerpt from "Man's Search for Meaning"

"Another time we were at work in the trench. The dawn was grey around us; grey was the sky above; grey the snow in the pale light of dawn; grey their faces. I was again conversing silently with my wife, or perhaps I was struggling to find the reason for my sufferings, my slow dying. In a last violent protest against the hopelessness, meaninglesss world, and from somewhere I heard a victorious "Yes" in answer to my question of the existence of an ultimate purpose. At that moment a light was lit in a distant farmhouse, which stood on the horizon as if painted there, in the midst of the miserable grey of a dawning morning in Bavaria. "Et lux in tenebris lucet"---and the light shineth in the darkness."

Excerpt from "Man's Search for Meaning", Victor Frankl

Soprano's "Everything goes dark"

Looking out the window, the rain is very light and I'm thinking about ending of the Soprano's series. Ben (my son) and I talked at length last night about it and whether it was a good or bad ending. His opinion was that it was the only way that David Chase could have ended the series and that it was consistent with the whole series. After all, Chase would not want to present a moral label of Tony Soprano in either light of a redemption or as a condemnation. Was David Chase trying to be morally ambivalent with this ending?

Perhaps Ben is right, but personally there is such disappointment after the culmination of so much hyped expectation that it's a little like being asked to someone's house to go to dinner and being told that the kitchen is open for cooking. Or rather... being invited out for a gourmet meal cooked by a world famous chef, you're told that you have to prepare your own and the kitchen is at your disposal and that the only guidance your given is from a past episode that "everything goes dark" and now cook the meal you think that relates to those instructions.

The Soprano's ending makes me gun shy for the next David Chase series and I wonder whether he will make us come up with our own ending again. It may not be worth the watching for the disappointment.

Man's Search for Meaning

Not often am I so taken in by a book like I have been with Victor Frankl's book "Man's Search for Meaning" first published in 1946. Dr. Frankl is a survivor of four concentration camps and relates his experiences and the meaning he discovered in the course of his extreme sufferings in the most dire of conditions.

His observations are so different from the current cultural wisdom, that they stand as a contrast. I could not help, but respect a man who brings so much depth of thought from so deep an experience.

It was refreshing to read.

Check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viktor_Frankl for more information.